This was an excellent post, as usual Astrid! Thank you for the reflective questions. I have had similar struggles. I loved how you leaned into trusting outcomes. It was an excellent reminder for me too. I think someone could replace the word “business” in your post for artwork, writing or any creative endeavor that we pour our hearts into and share with the world.
A tool that I have found helpful is the “what if up” game. It’s similar to your recommendation. Instead of dwelling on the negative what ifs ... what if everything went wrong ... and so on, I make a list of what if ups. What if everything turned out ok? What if I met my goals? What if something unexpectedly good happened to me? What if this was easier than I thought? What if I am good at this?
It does help to flip my negative questions into positives and see if I can come up with answers.
Anyway, same as you on the gardening front too. Warm up warm up!
Oh my goodness, Astrid. I just saw this post of yours pop up on my explore page literally minutes after I finished writing my upcoming Sunday post about creative business and stepping into the unknown. You have written the exact words I needed to read for this scary yet invigorating time in my life. I love how your partner told you to fantasize in the right direction, as that's definitely something I need to be doing more of. I tend to have long winded emotional conversations with my husband about my future business life and it is always me worrying about the what ifs and the maybes, and he constantly reminded me that what if is does work out or maybe it will be the right thing.
Ah, this post just feels like a breath of fresh air that I deeply needed. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so happy that this post came at exactly the right time for you Hunter! I wish you lots of space and trust as you're moving ahead into the unknown, and thank you for commenting ✨
Thank you for another thought provoking and inspiring piece, Astrid. I wonder, do you have any previous pieces around guilt/ privilege? Or is this something you would be open to exploring?
Reading your post today has got me thinking that I have build quite a lot of trust around my freelancing. (I've done it for 5 years alongside a pt job so it's never been my sole income). I'm really proud of mindset and growth I've made around building this trust and confidence. However I do also have an internal conflict around this that the more I trust myself e.g. to say no to work that doesn't align, to work less, to put my prices up etc...I also have a tug of guilt that 'you're so lucky to be able to do that', 'so many people don't have the freedom and choices that you have' etc. My life value is freedom and I'm leaning more and more into that. But a massive reason I'm able to is thanks to my partner and him being the main breadwinner etc. (One e.g. of my privilege in this). Does this make sense!? Thanks!
Thank you for your reply Janelle! I've given it some thought and I don't think I've written anything yet specifically about guilt/privilege although I am feeling more reflective lately so I might 😅
I recognise what you write about being so aware of your own privilege that you feel guilty. It crops up for me at times around rest: I'm grateful that my days allow me to rest when I need to, but I know that not everyone can afford to rest. They can't take time off when they need to, for instance. What I try to tell myself is there will always be people worse and better off than I am in various respects. The only thing I can do is take care of myself and try to contribute to larger changes (i.e. in terms of voting, the topics I write about, donations, etc.).
Many of the people I speak to bring up feeling guilty for having the privilege of a partner who is the main breadwinner--in my relationship I make more than my partner, but we've had some conversations around this too. I try to reframe it as the two of us being a team, and a team you work together: I don't want or need to feel guilty if he's doing laundry, and he doesn't need to feel guilty that I bring in more money or cook dinner. Does thinking in terms of being a team feel less guilt-inducing to you?
Thanks Astrid! I definitely feel like a team with my partner and I think I'm in a good place with that. I don't feel guilty *within* the relationship that often. It's more around what you say above. Like one of the reasons I have the space and freedom to rest and create and think about my mindset and how I'd best like to work is because of circumstances such as being in our partnership (and many others). It's a huge topic so not just for one blog post I'm sure! But something I'm reflecting on a lot and that's what cropped up for me as I was reading.
This self compassion and normalising of anxious thoughts is something I've been finding really helpful as I've been studying Acceptance and Commitment therapy.
I've heard such great things about acceptance and commitment therapy but have yet to learn more about it--do you have any favourite resources I could check out? Have a lovely week!
This is so relevant to me right now Astrid! I’ve basically flung myself into the abyss work wise and taken an enormous leap of faith with the hope that things will turn out okay eventually. I think trust gets built up over time when we start to realise that things do tend to come together in the end.
At times like these I think back to when I was a 21 year old student and I moved to Spain for my year abroad - I gave myself just one week to find somewhere to live, and move out of the hostel I had checked into. I did no research before leaving NI. And despite multiple bizarre and poor house viewings, I managed to find somewhere with just one day to go! The flatmate I met there became a close friend and I’ll be calling her for a catch up this weekend, 10 years later.
Sometimes a leap of faith works out, and if it doesn’t we pívot and adjust - she and I moved house 3 times due to dodgy landlords, but we came away with great stories 😂
Thanks you for sharing this Sarah! I love that story of you at 21 years old: it's so useful to remember that we've made big leaps before, and that we can actually *do* this whole trusting thing. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your leap, and you're right, trust is something that gets built up, and something that we can practice too I think. x
Quite often we're told to trust and focus on what we can control. But I like the shift that comes with trusting outcomes as well. Will be a great practice to integrate in our businesses. Thanks for sharing your experiment.
This was an excellent post, as usual Astrid! Thank you for the reflective questions. I have had similar struggles. I loved how you leaned into trusting outcomes. It was an excellent reminder for me too. I think someone could replace the word “business” in your post for artwork, writing or any creative endeavor that we pour our hearts into and share with the world.
A tool that I have found helpful is the “what if up” game. It’s similar to your recommendation. Instead of dwelling on the negative what ifs ... what if everything went wrong ... and so on, I make a list of what if ups. What if everything turned out ok? What if I met my goals? What if something unexpectedly good happened to me? What if this was easier than I thought? What if I am good at this?
It does help to flip my negative questions into positives and see if I can come up with answers.
Anyway, same as you on the gardening front too. Warm up warm up!
Thank you Janelle! I love that phrase "what if up", it sounds really positive and empowering. :)
Oh my goodness, Astrid. I just saw this post of yours pop up on my explore page literally minutes after I finished writing my upcoming Sunday post about creative business and stepping into the unknown. You have written the exact words I needed to read for this scary yet invigorating time in my life. I love how your partner told you to fantasize in the right direction, as that's definitely something I need to be doing more of. I tend to have long winded emotional conversations with my husband about my future business life and it is always me worrying about the what ifs and the maybes, and he constantly reminded me that what if is does work out or maybe it will be the right thing.
Ah, this post just feels like a breath of fresh air that I deeply needed. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so happy that this post came at exactly the right time for you Hunter! I wish you lots of space and trust as you're moving ahead into the unknown, and thank you for commenting ✨
Thank you so much, Astrid!
Thank you for another thought provoking and inspiring piece, Astrid. I wonder, do you have any previous pieces around guilt/ privilege? Or is this something you would be open to exploring?
Reading your post today has got me thinking that I have build quite a lot of trust around my freelancing. (I've done it for 5 years alongside a pt job so it's never been my sole income). I'm really proud of mindset and growth I've made around building this trust and confidence. However I do also have an internal conflict around this that the more I trust myself e.g. to say no to work that doesn't align, to work less, to put my prices up etc...I also have a tug of guilt that 'you're so lucky to be able to do that', 'so many people don't have the freedom and choices that you have' etc. My life value is freedom and I'm leaning more and more into that. But a massive reason I'm able to is thanks to my partner and him being the main breadwinner etc. (One e.g. of my privilege in this). Does this make sense!? Thanks!
Thank you for your reply Janelle! I've given it some thought and I don't think I've written anything yet specifically about guilt/privilege although I am feeling more reflective lately so I might 😅
I recognise what you write about being so aware of your own privilege that you feel guilty. It crops up for me at times around rest: I'm grateful that my days allow me to rest when I need to, but I know that not everyone can afford to rest. They can't take time off when they need to, for instance. What I try to tell myself is there will always be people worse and better off than I am in various respects. The only thing I can do is take care of myself and try to contribute to larger changes (i.e. in terms of voting, the topics I write about, donations, etc.).
Many of the people I speak to bring up feeling guilty for having the privilege of a partner who is the main breadwinner--in my relationship I make more than my partner, but we've had some conversations around this too. I try to reframe it as the two of us being a team, and a team you work together: I don't want or need to feel guilty if he's doing laundry, and he doesn't need to feel guilty that I bring in more money or cook dinner. Does thinking in terms of being a team feel less guilt-inducing to you?
Thanks Astrid! I definitely feel like a team with my partner and I think I'm in a good place with that. I don't feel guilty *within* the relationship that often. It's more around what you say above. Like one of the reasons I have the space and freedom to rest and create and think about my mindset and how I'd best like to work is because of circumstances such as being in our partnership (and many others). It's a huge topic so not just for one blog post I'm sure! But something I'm reflecting on a lot and that's what cropped up for me as I was reading.
This self compassion and normalising of anxious thoughts is something I've been finding really helpful as I've been studying Acceptance and Commitment therapy.
I've heard such great things about acceptance and commitment therapy but have yet to learn more about it--do you have any favourite resources I could check out? Have a lovely week!
Hi Astrid, check out this free toolkit on ACT
https://www.helpwithact.com/intro/
Thank you Faith, I'll check it out!
This is so relevant to me right now Astrid! I’ve basically flung myself into the abyss work wise and taken an enormous leap of faith with the hope that things will turn out okay eventually. I think trust gets built up over time when we start to realise that things do tend to come together in the end.
At times like these I think back to when I was a 21 year old student and I moved to Spain for my year abroad - I gave myself just one week to find somewhere to live, and move out of the hostel I had checked into. I did no research before leaving NI. And despite multiple bizarre and poor house viewings, I managed to find somewhere with just one day to go! The flatmate I met there became a close friend and I’ll be calling her for a catch up this weekend, 10 years later.
Sometimes a leap of faith works out, and if it doesn’t we pívot and adjust - she and I moved house 3 times due to dodgy landlords, but we came away with great stories 😂
Thanks you for sharing this Sarah! I love that story of you at 21 years old: it's so useful to remember that we've made big leaps before, and that we can actually *do* this whole trusting thing. I'll keep my fingers crossed for your leap, and you're right, trust is something that gets built up, and something that we can practice too I think. x
Quite often we're told to trust and focus on what we can control. But I like the shift that comes with trusting outcomes as well. Will be a great practice to integrate in our businesses. Thanks for sharing your experiment.
You're welcome, and good luck! I've found it a really useful practice.