One thing that really helped me overcome my financial mindset limitations was to imagine "future me." Every time I made a spending decision, instead of agonizing over whether to do it, I just imagined myself 10 years down the road. If I could see how much better not spending would make 10-years-hence me, I would save. If not, I would spend.
I think I found a reasonable balance this way. 2007 was a turning point for me as well.
Thank you for this Andrew, and what a brilliant idea! It also makes complete sense to me: the things that I'm happy I spent money on are the things that I'm glad I did, and the fact that they cost a lot (like my yoga teacher training) is not even a big deal to me now that I've gotten so much out of them. Thank you, and have a good rest of your week!
One thing that might be helpful to understand: flexibility is a key attribute in BJJ, often more prized than strength or speed. In fact, I like to emphasize (to my students) using less strength and speed whenever possible. Moving fast = getting hurt!
Oh my goodness this was oh so relevant to me right now. I’m an artist and it is sometimes incredibly difficult to change the money story I often have on repeat. I literally am about to commit myself to a much bigger studio space and higher rent. So I really needed to hear this today 👩🏼🎨🙌🏻✨
What an exciting step Korynn! And I can imagine that it feels so scary too, as well as feeling exciting and expansive. And yes, those money stories on repeat are so annoying 🙄 Being aware of them is the first step, and going ahead with taking up (financial) space in the world is another big step. I'm rooting for you--enjoy your new space! x
Thanks Astrid! I’m about to start your substack course too so I’m looking forward to improving how I share what I do on this platform too ✨ love all your work and what you stand for!
Reading this at a time when I am so worried about money is great timing. Two weeks ago I felt safe about money because I have a day job that pays well. So safe, in fact, that I spent a large sum of money moving to another state. And then something changed at work and now I no longer feel safe. Now my generous salary feels uncertain at best. Even though I have been told that my job is safe it doesn't feel that way and I have started a long string of catastrophic "what ifs" in my head.
Growing up I wasn't really taught to save. For a few years now I have managed to save by being extreme about it: save everything, spend nothing, has been my style--sort of the other end of the scale from not saving lol. Now I am struggling to feel comfortable in that middle ground of saving and spending. I'm going to try to come up with some positive "what ifs" to balance the scales. ☺️
Thank you for sharing this Ana--what's been going on in your head sounds like such a familiar narrative. As you said, nothing's really changed (although I can imagine the sense of fear and uncertainty), yet the catastrophic thoughts and there and you now feel negatively about the same money that you previously felt positively about.
Trying to reframe those what ifs has been really helpful for me. What if the opposite of what you fear might happen? Something like "I will continue to make the money in my day job needed to furnish my new house", or "I can pay for XYZ". Doing this felt artificial to me at first, but I've been amazed at how powerful it's been and wish the same thing for you. I hope the move went well/is going well!
I love money. Always have and always will. Whenever I got money as a child, I saved it all up and spent it at Christmas time - I bought lots of sweets for myself as that was one thing my parents never bought for me 😅
Save for a rainy day and money doesn’t grow in trees are two phrases I remember hearing while growing up. The money doesn’t grow on trees was used in relation to always spend on needs first before wants. In other words prioritise your spending.
I rarely spent money as a child as I didn’t need anything. Once I opened a bank account all my money went in there. Somehow I started spending less than I was given and the extra money got saved. I no longer spent money on sweets in my teens 🙂
Fast forward to full blown adulthood and my mantra is save, invest, spend.
What am I saving for? To invest, to have rainy day funds, to purchase items not previously budgeted for, to cover months I spend to much.
What am I investing for? To watch the delights of compounding, to get dividends, to buy time.
What am I spending on? Food, accomodation, utilities, socialising.
Do I have a healthy relationship with money? I hope so. I define respect what it can do for me. Do I make decisions solely based on money? Absolutely, not! That is a sure fire way to be unhappy. Does money bring me happiness? Only in terms of it buying me time.
I’ll stop here as I seem to have written a very long comment on your post.
BTW the money I love has to be my own and not somebody else’s.
Thank you so much for your comment--I loved reading your story and how you've got such a clear view on what to save, invest and spend on. I love also how you write that money buys you time >> that's something that has become more and more apparent to me too over the past couple of years and something I enjoy being able to spend on (such as a VA for my business, a cleaner for our home). Thank you for taking the time to share your story and have a lovely day!
Happy early birthday Astrid! I love the jewelry you picked out. And thank you for sharing your perspective on money. As always, you have great questions and thought-provoking writing.
Aug 8, 2023·edited Aug 8, 2023Liked by Astrid Bracke
Hi Astrid - first and foremost, thank you for writing about this delicate matter and sharing your experience so openly without shame or other adverse feelings. I find it truly inspiring that you write so freely and tickle readers to reflect on their own matters, an so shall I. Raised in a privilege environment, as an expat between East and West, I am now 35 years old and have absolutely no clue how to juggle with money. My father, on whose side I grew up, never spoke of administrative stuff such as taxes and so forth. He also never taught me how to budget. While some might start thinking "what a spoiled little girl", I can confirm you, that I was not foolishly spoiled and also worked my way through university. However, I will admit that I was raised in a protective bubble that I only grew aware of, after the expiration of my beloved father. Anyway, I did inherit a certain sum but instead of listening to the person in charge, who was appointed to help me go through life, I rebelled and gave all money away to build boarding schools in India. Absurd, some of you might exclaim - downright mad even. And you are very right to judge so. However, I wanted to free myself from a certain burden and so I did. However, I did not realise that I would appropriate another one instead. I had to learn from scratch how to deal with money, how to budget and track expenses and especially, how not to feel guilty about it. It's been a very strenuous journey because I studied subjects that do not generate a generous income. I cannot deny that there were moments when I regretted my foolishness but I continuously find comfort in the knowing that children can attend school thereof. My journey with financial matters is darkened by a huge shadow of guilt and shame. It took me a long time to grasp that I would need savings - absurd, right? - but there was simply always a safety net until there wasn't and little did I know... Therefore I am really grateful that you shared your story.
Thank you Samantha for taking the time to share your story so openly! You giving the inheritance away makes sense to me--I can imagine wanting to get rid of the burden of that money, even though you now experience the opposite. It's never too late to learn how to relate to money--I hope this post inspired you, and including the comments, shows you that you're not alone. No matter how different we all are, it seems that we all have our money stories and struggles. Thank you again, and have a really good rest of your week x
It’s hard breaking away from our inherited views on money. I think I’m getting there, but it’s taken a while! Great piece which has got me thinking about this topic. Thanks 🙏
You're welcome Hannah and I'm pleased that this post made you think. And indeed, it is hard to break away from our inherited views, but I also believe we can make our own stories. Good luck creating yours ✨
One thing that really helped me overcome my financial mindset limitations was to imagine "future me." Every time I made a spending decision, instead of agonizing over whether to do it, I just imagined myself 10 years down the road. If I could see how much better not spending would make 10-years-hence me, I would save. If not, I would spend.
I think I found a reasonable balance this way. 2007 was a turning point for me as well.
Thank you for this Andrew, and what a brilliant idea! It also makes complete sense to me: the things that I'm happy I spent money on are the things that I'm glad I did, and the fact that they cost a lot (like my yoga teacher training) is not even a big deal to me now that I've gotten so much out of them. Thank you, and have a good rest of your week!
Hey, two people at my BJJ gym are doing yoga teacher training right now! Neat.
Cool! My yoga teacher is actually also really into BJJ--seems like there is a crossover there
Quite a bit. We're also looking at adding a yoga program this year with a very experienced instructor. Her gym closed down during the pandemic.
So fascinating! As someone who knows nothing about BJJ, it's fascinating to see this crossover.
One thing that might be helpful to understand: flexibility is a key attribute in BJJ, often more prized than strength or speed. In fact, I like to emphasize (to my students) using less strength and speed whenever possible. Moving fast = getting hurt!
Oh my goodness this was oh so relevant to me right now. I’m an artist and it is sometimes incredibly difficult to change the money story I often have on repeat. I literally am about to commit myself to a much bigger studio space and higher rent. So I really needed to hear this today 👩🏼🎨🙌🏻✨
What an exciting step Korynn! And I can imagine that it feels so scary too, as well as feeling exciting and expansive. And yes, those money stories on repeat are so annoying 🙄 Being aware of them is the first step, and going ahead with taking up (financial) space in the world is another big step. I'm rooting for you--enjoy your new space! x
Thanks Astrid! I’m about to start your substack course too so I’m looking forward to improving how I share what I do on this platform too ✨ love all your work and what you stand for!
Thank you for your kind words Korynn ❤️ I hope you enjoy the course :)
Reading this at a time when I am so worried about money is great timing. Two weeks ago I felt safe about money because I have a day job that pays well. So safe, in fact, that I spent a large sum of money moving to another state. And then something changed at work and now I no longer feel safe. Now my generous salary feels uncertain at best. Even though I have been told that my job is safe it doesn't feel that way and I have started a long string of catastrophic "what ifs" in my head.
Growing up I wasn't really taught to save. For a few years now I have managed to save by being extreme about it: save everything, spend nothing, has been my style--sort of the other end of the scale from not saving lol. Now I am struggling to feel comfortable in that middle ground of saving and spending. I'm going to try to come up with some positive "what ifs" to balance the scales. ☺️
Thank you for sharing this Ana--what's been going on in your head sounds like such a familiar narrative. As you said, nothing's really changed (although I can imagine the sense of fear and uncertainty), yet the catastrophic thoughts and there and you now feel negatively about the same money that you previously felt positively about.
Trying to reframe those what ifs has been really helpful for me. What if the opposite of what you fear might happen? Something like "I will continue to make the money in my day job needed to furnish my new house", or "I can pay for XYZ". Doing this felt artificial to me at first, but I've been amazed at how powerful it's been and wish the same thing for you. I hope the move went well/is going well!
I love money. Always have and always will. Whenever I got money as a child, I saved it all up and spent it at Christmas time - I bought lots of sweets for myself as that was one thing my parents never bought for me 😅
Save for a rainy day and money doesn’t grow in trees are two phrases I remember hearing while growing up. The money doesn’t grow on trees was used in relation to always spend on needs first before wants. In other words prioritise your spending.
I rarely spent money as a child as I didn’t need anything. Once I opened a bank account all my money went in there. Somehow I started spending less than I was given and the extra money got saved. I no longer spent money on sweets in my teens 🙂
Fast forward to full blown adulthood and my mantra is save, invest, spend.
What am I saving for? To invest, to have rainy day funds, to purchase items not previously budgeted for, to cover months I spend to much.
What am I investing for? To watch the delights of compounding, to get dividends, to buy time.
What am I spending on? Food, accomodation, utilities, socialising.
Do I have a healthy relationship with money? I hope so. I define respect what it can do for me. Do I make decisions solely based on money? Absolutely, not! That is a sure fire way to be unhappy. Does money bring me happiness? Only in terms of it buying me time.
I’ll stop here as I seem to have written a very long comment on your post.
BTW the money I love has to be my own and not somebody else’s.
Thank you so much for your comment--I loved reading your story and how you've got such a clear view on what to save, invest and spend on. I love also how you write that money buys you time >> that's something that has become more and more apparent to me too over the past couple of years and something I enjoy being able to spend on (such as a VA for my business, a cleaner for our home). Thank you for taking the time to share your story and have a lovely day!
Happy early birthday Astrid! I love the jewelry you picked out. And thank you for sharing your perspective on money. As always, you have great questions and thought-provoking writing.
Thank you Janelle for your wishes and kind words! I hope you can bask in the glow of your own good news this week ✨
Hi Astrid - first and foremost, thank you for writing about this delicate matter and sharing your experience so openly without shame or other adverse feelings. I find it truly inspiring that you write so freely and tickle readers to reflect on their own matters, an so shall I. Raised in a privilege environment, as an expat between East and West, I am now 35 years old and have absolutely no clue how to juggle with money. My father, on whose side I grew up, never spoke of administrative stuff such as taxes and so forth. He also never taught me how to budget. While some might start thinking "what a spoiled little girl", I can confirm you, that I was not foolishly spoiled and also worked my way through university. However, I will admit that I was raised in a protective bubble that I only grew aware of, after the expiration of my beloved father. Anyway, I did inherit a certain sum but instead of listening to the person in charge, who was appointed to help me go through life, I rebelled and gave all money away to build boarding schools in India. Absurd, some of you might exclaim - downright mad even. And you are very right to judge so. However, I wanted to free myself from a certain burden and so I did. However, I did not realise that I would appropriate another one instead. I had to learn from scratch how to deal with money, how to budget and track expenses and especially, how not to feel guilty about it. It's been a very strenuous journey because I studied subjects that do not generate a generous income. I cannot deny that there were moments when I regretted my foolishness but I continuously find comfort in the knowing that children can attend school thereof. My journey with financial matters is darkened by a huge shadow of guilt and shame. It took me a long time to grasp that I would need savings - absurd, right? - but there was simply always a safety net until there wasn't and little did I know... Therefore I am really grateful that you shared your story.
Thank you Samantha for taking the time to share your story so openly! You giving the inheritance away makes sense to me--I can imagine wanting to get rid of the burden of that money, even though you now experience the opposite. It's never too late to learn how to relate to money--I hope this post inspired you, and including the comments, shows you that you're not alone. No matter how different we all are, it seems that we all have our money stories and struggles. Thank you again, and have a really good rest of your week x
Astrid you are going to love the House of WE!
Thank you Sarah, I'm looking forward to digging into it more--it was lovely chatting a bit about it just now. Have fun with your mum :) x
It’s hard breaking away from our inherited views on money. I think I’m getting there, but it’s taken a while! Great piece which has got me thinking about this topic. Thanks 🙏
You're welcome Hannah and I'm pleased that this post made you think. And indeed, it is hard to break away from our inherited views, but I also believe we can make our own stories. Good luck creating yours ✨