How to take care of yourself this season

Reflections, resources and a lot of favourites

I have an ambiguous relationship with December. On the one hand, I really like winter. I love lighting candles. I love the ritual of creating an advent or yule wreath on which I light one additional candle a week. I tremendously look forward to opening a door every day on my tea advent calendar.

But as the end of the year nears, a sense of dread often settles on me. There’s just so much pressure on those final weeks of the year. Something that feels inherently arbitrary to me (one day becoming another), is suddenly supposed to be this big ending to a year, and the start of a (fresh!) new one.

Just because so much is going on in December, I feel it’s important to take extra good care of ourselves.

In this post, I’ll be suggesting some things to try out that have helped me. And if this is a time of year for you where you struggle, I know. You’re not alone.

Ironically, perhaps, my family never made a huge deal out of Christmas. And some of my most favourite memories involve celebrating Christmas with my German family—the lights, the Christmas market, the amazing cookies that my aunts bake. And the gifts, obviously.

Apart from the end-of-the-year-blues that I seem to have had since I was a child, I’ve been depressed probably too many times in December for me not to carry that with me.

It’s the forced cheerfulness that gets me the most. Even without depression, the constant emphasis on this being “the most wonderful time of the year!” makes me feel as if everyone is part of a club that I won’t, can’t be part of.

The lack of routine and rhythm during these days throws me off. Habits that I’ve developed to take care of myself go out the window, especially on days spent with other people.

I know that I’m fortunate. I have a partner who understands how I feel, and who feels fine turning down New Year’s Eve invitations. My parents have in recent years moved away from celebrating Christmas with extended family, and understand my need for solitude and quiet to recharge. In fact, one of our Christmas Eve traditions I’m most fond of is how we all sit in silence reading our new books.

And still, I’m fearing the sadness. I’m not depressed, I enjoy the colder weather and changing seasons. But I feel the dread of the “festive” season as I type this.

Depending on your business, your family dynamics and more, December might be more or less stressful for you. Or maybe, you really enjoy this time of year, but also feel the need to recharge. Either way, I’d love to hear what resonates with you from these suggestions.

So what to do? I share some of my plans here in hopes that you find support in them too.

How to take care of yourself at this time of year

#1 make a plan

While I’ve come to focus on unplanning, I also know that especially when times are busy or chaotic, going in without a plan means things won’t happen. So if you haven’t done so already, take some time to make a plan for this coming month.

You might take into account:

• whether you’re taking a break from your business and if so, when;

• what plans you and/or your family have already made;

• any commitments that you want and need to honour;

• your experiences with this time of year in general: do you thrive in groups of people and do you want to engage in lots of social activities, or do you know that you’ll really need some solitude come Boxing Day?

Once you’ve reflected on this, look at your calendar.

Fill in all the dates and commitments, and see what’s left. If looking at your calendar is already giving you claustrophobia, this is a clear sign that something has to give (see my tips below). If you know you need to recharge after a Christmas with extended family, block a day in your calendar for that now. If you don’t have family near and know that you’d love some support around the holidays, reach out to friends or acquaintances to make plans.

#2 communicate your plan and boundaries

I know that there are a few things important for me at this time of year: rest; spending Christmas Eve with my parents + partner; and zero plans on New Year’s Eve (so I can try to ignore it and go to bed early).

I’ll be taking two weeks off over Christmas, something I’ve planned for financially in my business as well as practically—I’m not available for client calls. I’ll be setting up an out-of-office reply, and communicating my absence to clients when booking calls.

I also love a suggestion Anna Considine made in my interview with her about adding your time off to your email signature. Another idea is to add your time away from your business to your website, for instance to your shop or the page where you list your offerings. If your shop will be closed, when will you be sending out orders? People generally don’t mind being told you’re not currently available, as long as they know.

Setting personal boundaries is often even trickier, especially around Christmas when all the marketing is filled with people having fun together. We need to have fun together! Even if we don’t really get along!

I’m fortunate in that I get along really well with my parents and that my partner and I share similar ideas about how we want to spend our Christmas.

But you might need to communicate your boundaries to your friends and family. Some phrases to try out:

• “I’d love to meet for Christmas brunch, but dinner doesn’t work for me” (means: time to rest in the evening)

• “I’m available on XYZ” (which means you don’t need to provide an excuse)

• “This season has been quite full-on for me, and I’m taking some time for myself/my family/whatever on X day(s)”

Remember, you really don’t owe anyone anything, and even if you do end up attending an event you don’t care much for, you can still set boundaries around what you offer in terms of hosting, preparation, and duration.

#3 make it easy on yourself

My partner and I hosted his son and parents for Christmas brunch a few times. I like brunch: it means that in the course of the afternoon everyone leaves, and we can all relax. The first year I was determined to do a lot myself. I started making decorations for the table, had planned to make a pie I’d never made before and was very ambitious. At the last moment I decided I just couldn’t, and ended up buying a pie, and asking my partner’s son to supply decorations. If we do host Christmas brunch this year, I see my role as putting things in the oven that I have not prepared myself.

Finally, ask for help. Ask others to prep dishes if you want to have brunch or dinner together. Ask your partner, child(ren) or friends to help and have them be responsible for part of the event. Finally, ask someone to keep an eye on you—something I often ask my partner to do, since he can spot overwhelm in me far earlier than I register it myself.

Another way in which I make this time of year easier is by avoiding Christmas songs like the plague. If I know that Christmas songs are appreciated by other people I tend to go for instrumental classical music (sometimes not even particularly Christmas-y), so I don’t have to cringe my way through Mariah Carey and Wham.

Where can you make this time of year easier?

#4 what would you do if you’d truly listen to your body and mind?

This is a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. If you take a moment to be still (even if you need to go the bathroom and lock the door for this), what do your body and mind need? Do a little body scan checking in with the various parts of your body. Are you hungry? Does your neck feel tight from too much time behind the computer? Are you overstimulated?

Checking in with ourselves and our needs is often the step that we overlook in much self-care advice. Especially in December, prioritising our own needs is so easily buried under the needs and expectations of others.

So, what helps you take care of yourself at this time of year? I’d love to hear your strategies and mindset shifts, how you’re setting boundaries and adding more rest to what can be a hectic period.

5 resources for this time of year that I love

• This Yogaland podcast episode on dealing with difficult situations during the festive season, and an accompanying blogpost on mindfulness for the holidays.

• “Self-care for the festive season”, a post by the brilliant people over at Blurt.

• “How to survive (and enjoy!) the festive season with chronic illness”, a post by

  Natasha Lipman
  that is full of practical strategies, whether you live with chronic illness or not.

• Resources to create a ritual you love: winter solstice rituals, Yule slow living tips and simple ways to spread joy.

• On dealing with loneliness during the holiday season, two resources with tips.

  

a guest post | Jo Dymock of Ochre & Flax and I asked each other questions on social media in our businesses and life. Read my responses on whether you should quit social media here, and hers on how she uses social media in her business here.

outdoor swimming | there’s something magical about the perspective that being out in the water provides—looking up to see an oystercatcher fly overhead, all gangly and pre-historic in its shape, is different when the bird is reflected in water, when we’re somehow part of the same element. I decided on a bit of a whim to try swimming through the winter and have been loving it (even with the huge quantities of sea weed on my last swim).

for your favourite small business owner | if you’re looking for a thoughtful gift for a small business owner, I can’t recommend a gift subscription to the Aligned Community enough—this is my favourite place to hang out with other small business owners looking for cyclical living and slow business support.

What’s on your lists of favourites this month? What did you read, see, hear, drink, eat, observe that made your day?

I had so many favourite reads on my list that this month they deserve a separate category.

When I’m not writing | a new series on LitHub on what writers do when they’re not writing. I particularly loved the first instalment where Laura van den Berg shares her experience of boxing. I have no desire to box, but this spoke to me: “Boxing is teaching me to believe in myself. To not quit on myself. It has helped me access an inner strength and confidence I had previously assumed to be forever out of reach.”

Signs for Lost Children (and Bodies of Light) | I recently reread these two novels by Sarah Moss and loved them deeply all over again. The worlds that Moss creates here are wholly immersive, with words so precise and apt that I can almost taste them. And both novels are also just really good reads (affiliate links).

murmuration | Alice Vincent’s post on watching a murmuration is gorgeous: “Thousands of years this has been happening and we still don’t know why. Ornithologists think murmurations offer warmth and protection from predators. They think it allows them to share information about where to feed. To me they are an offering in the time of short days and early dusks. When I watched them, all I could think of was dancing.”

rest | Katherine May’s posts are some of my favourites every week—I very much recognised what she writes here about rest: “I write about rest for a living. That’s not because I’m naturally good at resting. It’s because I’ve had to work at it, and because I’ll always be consciously practising it.”

more rest | I reconnected with Naomi through Substack, and loved reading her reflections on resting for the sake of resting—and how so often we allow ourselves to rest only with the intention that we can then be productive afterwards.

Things I wrote over the past month:

How I’m using Substack to expand my business (and how I’m making writing part of my business itself, rather than only have it be a marketing strategy).

Thread: the business advice you’re happy you didn’t take: the well-meant advice that wasn’t for you.

Air plants 101: everything I’ve learned about taking care of (and accidentally killing) air plants or tillandsia, over at A Houseplant Journal.

My favourite books on plants, over at A Houseplant Journal.

Are you ready to shape your business to support your life, your needs and your desires? Do you wonder whether there’s a slower, gentler and more profitable way of running a business, without the hustle, hacks or burnout?*

I’d love to support you to create a business away from the norm that supports all parts of your humanness, whether that means starting or building a business alongside a family, another job, (chronic) illness or any other needs and desires.

There is a slower, gentler and more profitable way of running a business, and I’m here to help you achieve it.

Send me a message or check out my website for ways of working together: from one-off sessions to flexible packages. I’d love to be by your side in 2023.

* the answer to this question is YES!

This is my final regular newsletter of 2022. Thank you for being here this past year: for your comments, for reading, for following along. I so appreciate it. ❤️

You will receive the first of my quarterly guides in that awkward period between Christmas and the New Year. It will be all about gentle strategies for trusting yourself as a business owner (and human). The monthly threads will return in January.

Have a restful and calm month x