An honest look at the emotional and mental side of running my business in 2023
A peek at my journals + how 2023 felt
I have to admit that when I sat down to write this post, I realised that I can’t actually remember how I felt in May—let alone in January. 😅 And even though I’m not a big fan of the commercialization of the turning of the year (”new year new you!”), I do like reflecting, for myself and with you. Once 2023 is properly done and wrapped up, I’ll write a detailed post about my 2023 goals, how I got on with them and how much money I made (look for that in mid-January).
In this post I’ll write how running my business felt in 2023. I paged through the 3+ journals I filled this past year and collected the joys, the magic and the (uncomfortable) growth happening.
This is what I’m meant to be doing
Before I’d even sought out my old journals, I wrote down this phrase about 2023: “in my element: this is what I’m meant to be doing”. This is the feeling that has gotten stronger and stronger in 2023.
This. This is it.
Feeling this way sounds more spiritual to me than I usually am, and I don’t believe that we all have a thing that we’re meant to be doing in life, if only because that feels somehow limiting (even though this quote, illustrated by Lisa Congdon, hangs in our downstairs hallway).
Nonetheless, this particular feeling has resurfaced again and again in 2023. I wrote about feeling this way in my journal and copied out passages describing this feeling from novels.
Like these passages by Zadie Smith and
:Fittingness, “that is, when your chosen pursuit and your ability to achieve it—no matter how small or insignificant both might be—are matched exactly, are fitting” — Zadie Smith, On Beauty
“[An emotion] that almost feels like a promise fulfilled”—Huma Qureshi, Playing Games
In June 2023 I described this feeling of doing what I’m meant to be doing in my newsletter:
“My business started feeling successful when I realised that I was doing exactly what I felt I was made to do. When I was deeply loving what I did in my business. When I started to feel really in my business and when my business felt in alignment with my life. That sense of feeling really good in and with my business has only increased now that I’m making more money.”
I’ve always enjoyed my business. And in a way, that feeling of doing what I’m mean to be doing has always been there. It comes from doing what I really love, being able to structure my time the way I want to and not having to play by anyone’s rules, or being accountable to anyone but myself.
What has made this feeling so strong this year is, I think, that I feel like I’ve been gaining traction in a way that I wasn’t beforehand. Not only did I do much more in terms of setting up paid Substack subscriptions, designing and launching Substack for small business owners and working 1:1 with clients, I’ve felt much more community and connection around my business. All of this together is giving me a sense of fulfilment and arrival that I didn’t have before.
Spacious and expansive
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